I finally found us a place to live and it is absolutely beautiful. The only down sides to this place are, it’s in the back of an old guys house and it doesn’t have a stove. The guy is a firefighter and the “mother in law suite” was built for his mother who they put in a nursing home last year. He said he could put in a stove for us, but I could tell in his voice it was a “depending on how much I like you” situation.

I miss…

My mom!- I’m pretty down right now and usually when I’m like this, about anything, I think if my mom were here I’d actually have someone to talk to about it. I know I can always call my Step Dad but he’s going through his own stuff right now and I don’t want to bother him.
Jose!- As of right now I don’t know when we’ll be able to be together again.
Cleaning!- Mainly, I miss having my own house to clean. When I’m frustrated or stressed out or have too many things on my mind, I clean! And here at Marcella’s house, I can’t do that. I even had a dream about cleaning last night, lol. That’s how stressed I am.

I’m rethinking moving back to Florida. Even if Jose and I are only going to be apart for a month or two, it’s still weighing on me pretty heavy. I’ve seen him everyday for the last 6 months, I moved here to be closer to him for a reason. Life sucks without him. Yes, I am miserable here, but it’s not because I’m unhappy with him. I hate that we can’t find full time jobs here and move out of his mothers house, but it happens. I’ll have him in a few months and we will be in our own apartment and able to grow as a couple. At least I know in Florida I’ll have a stable job and I’ll be able to pay my own bills and not rely on anyone else.

For the past month I’ve done everything to push out how I really felt. I’ve been angry and mean and that wasn’t right of me. Now I’m sad and depressed. Looking at Sebastian makes me cry instantly. I told him I was going on the airplane and he told me no, I couldn’t go! I know this is going to hurt him the most.

I’ll be okay. Eventually.